Continued to read WanderingScibe tonight, after a totally failed dinner and some deep talk with J. Rain pouring nonstop outside.
Ever since I started this master program, I've been doubting my IQ and reading ability, as the books I read seem ever harder to understand. I suppose they are the same kind of books as those during my undergraduate years, but I can no longer figure out what most of them are trying to convey. Can't be the authors' problem... Is it to do with my fallen IQ? Or am I suffering from some sort of reading difficulties?
I used to think so. I am just becoming more and more stupid, and my reading difficulties are surfacing as I try to push my limits. Master... don't you dare dream!
But tonight I read so much about WanderingScribe, over 8000 words in less than 2 hours. I guess this is a proof I ain't no moron, or at least still able to comprehend well enough to understand fears and feelings.
Yet what went wrong, with my life at this point? All the efforts I've put in seems in vain... They just aren't working.... And everything seems to stuck... even the sauries I tried to fry tonight...
I definitely need to get myself out of this.... No way I can't do it. No way no way no way......
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Color Quiz again. Haven't done it for so long. I take it esp. when I am troubled and my subconscious refuses to admit it. So far it's been so true:
Your Existing Situation
Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems.
Your Stress Sources
An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but she feels unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which she needs. Unwilling to expose her vulnerability, she therefore continues to resist this state of affairs, but feels dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses her. but makes her irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Your Desired Objective
Suffering from pent-up overstimulation which threatends to discharge itself in an outburst of impulsive and impassioned behavior.
Your Actual Problem
Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced considerable stress. She reacts by putting this down to a total lack of understanding on the part of others, and by adopting a scornful and defiant attitude.
One last word: Sorry about tonight.... my dear J. I promise there will be your favourite dish next time.
