He said...

He said, “you don’t understand, you just don’t understand.”
I said, “I think I do, but if you think I don’t, tell me, tell me.”

And so he explained, “driving a van is a....it’s just a special feeling...that you can’t possibly understand.”

“Perhaps I really don’t, but I do, in a way...”

“No, you just won’t understand.”

I can’t help to be disaapointed, and exhausted, three years (or longer!) since he first demanded “a van is what I want to drive!”. Everytime we discussed about our next car I felt I was put under pressure:  if we’re ever to have another car, it’s got to be a van, not a mini-van, but a proper van where he can sit high.”

But we don’t have the money.....

But I’m saving hard already!!!

But we should change our car N.O.W.!

But I want a van!!!!!

That’s our so-called discussion on such a minor issue, which just upsets me, honestly.

Tonight, three years after we first serously discussed about his camper van *dream*, I tried to stay in a positive tone and told him, “hey! There are people who are converting their mini-Mercedes A Class into a camper on Youtube! It’s brilliant! 1.85m bed!! You want to have a look!?!?!?!?”

All I got was, sadly, resistance... “Why should I turm our (little) car into a camper while we havw a 2-second pop-up tent???? Can you give me a reason???” He asked me, angrily.

“Because your dream is to turn a van into a camper?” I said, desperately, almost in tears.

“Yeah, but why???? We have a 2-second tent!!!” he insisted.

“That means no, I assume. Never mind, I just thought....” I was lost in words....

“You just thought what!?!? I don’t see the need at all, it takes two seconds to biuld our tent, why should we go through all that trouble to build a camper van out of our A170?????!!!”

I had no more strength, except what it would take to smack him (he really drove me mad...). With my last strength I declared, “BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BUILD A CAMPER VAN FROM SCRATCH ONE DAY WHEN I’M NOT IN YOUR WAY ANYMORE AND WHAT CAN BE BETTER THAN STARTING WITH AN OLD MERCEDES A CLASS WHERE YOU’LL LEARN A LOAD WITH ONLY MINIMUM MATERIAL COST AND YOU MAY SELL THIS OLD JUNK FOR A BETTER PRICE BECAUSE OF THE ADDITIONAL FUNCTION YOU BUILD INTO IT!”

And then I fell silent, cuz I can’t anymore, I just can’t anymore.

(At the end, he saw the sense in this little (interesting, in my view at least) project, and said he would do it. Do I still care? I do, but not because of his camper dream anymore.